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March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46472) - you deserved it (6804)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48190) - you deserved it (9600)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49379) - you deserved it (12637)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

#21074688
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42033) - you deserved it (9610)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:23am - animals - by lacy - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45594) - you deserved it (6787)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51286) - you deserved it (6232)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

#21086197
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41225) - you deserved it (8385) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/14/2014 at 12:33am - work - by LeChameauTrisomique - France (Centre)

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

#21082455
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43641) - you deserved it (8191)

On 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm - kids - by ashamed father (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

#21081555
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42743) - you deserved it (4281)

On 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32532) - you deserved it (16954)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67633) - you deserved it (9173)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40441) - you deserved it (5828)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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