Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
February 2014

Choose a category


Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

by fuck you right back, cockspit / 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

by OverIt / 02/25/2014 at 5:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

by anon / 02/16/2014 at 7:56am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Money

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

by bruisedandconfused / 02/16/2014 at 5:47pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

by snowlover / 02/16/2014 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

by BigLove / 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2014 at 4:31am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

by sashimi9999 / 02/06/2014 at 8:32pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I told my parents about the amazing guy I met. My mom immediately stormed out. My dad got up, looked at me and told me he's disappointed in me for "falling into the traps of the Internet," and leaves. I didn't meet him on the Internet. FML

by littlekellilee / 02/28/2014 at 9:50am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

by clrichmond2009 / 02/19/2014 at 1:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.