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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35217) - you deserved it (6261)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

#21063366
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23561) - you deserved it (40657)

On 02/17/2014 at 12:43pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

#21072191
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47256) - you deserved it (9270)

On 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by lovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML

#21058908
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24016) - you deserved it (50989)

On 02/13/2014 at 7:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

#21062139
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39858) - you deserved it (6070)

On 02/16/2014 at 2:37am - misc - by snowlover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

#21067978
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43493) - you deserved it (7680)

On 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

#21071374
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42401) - you deserved it (4190)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41520) - you deserved it (6381)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

#21066687
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25410) - you deserved it (49295)

On 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm - misc - by time to lawyer up (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

#21050703
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47597) - you deserved it (4863)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm - love - by BigLove (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

#21065187
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34707) - you deserved it (3856)

On 02/19/2014 at 1:24am - work - by PaneraSucks - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

#21071183
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41951) - you deserved it (7465)

On 02/25/2014 at 11:59am - love - by jill (woman) - United States (Utah)



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