Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was breast feeding my son. Out of nowhere, he bit my nipple hard, causing me to scream in pain. He giggled with my nipple still between his teeth. FML

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35893) - you deserved it (6349)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51732) - you deserved it (5202)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

#21047796
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41606) - you deserved it (6388)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:33am - misc - by tsukinoie - United States

Today, I was at the mall with a couple of friends when we saw a couple of cute boys. I made eye contact with the cutest one. Flustered, I giggled, only to send a wad of snot flying out of my nose. FML

#21067978
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43563) - you deserved it (7691)

On 02/21/2014 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

#21055088
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41895) - you deserved it (12073)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:12am - love - by look before you speak - United States

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

#21062139
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39921) - you deserved it (6072)

On 02/16/2014 at 2:37am - misc - by snowlover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

#21072191
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50643) - you deserved it (9887)

On 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by lovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

#21071374
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42465) - you deserved it (4199)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

#21050703
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47666) - you deserved it (4868)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm - love - by BigLove (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47742) - you deserved it (4143)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

#21070244
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19010) - you deserved it (48547)

On 02/24/2014 at 10:21am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

#21072334
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39472) - you deserved it (3947)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: