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February 2014

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Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36778) - you deserved it (2914)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

#21062237
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39945) - you deserved it (18357)

On 02/16/2014 at 7:56am - money - by anon - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

#21046882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48847) - you deserved it (3748)

On 02/01/2014 at 2:47am - misc - by ccgundum (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

#21066990
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34546) - you deserved it (5287)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47696) - you deserved it (8064)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

#21056009
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42832) - you deserved it (7466)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by aarong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38524) - you deserved it (5221)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

#21068141
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49706) - you deserved it (3213)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:48am - misc - by seriously though - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

#21068474
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48383) - you deserved it (7507)

On 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by coppervains (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

#21067749
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35422) - you deserved it (16516)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by Cuntface McGee (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50889) - you deserved it (6704)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

#21055088
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41811) - you deserved it (12057)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:12am - love - by look before you speak - United States

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49472) - you deserved it (4984)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)



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