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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

#21060478
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you deserved it (32916)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55074) - you deserved it (11796)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39597) - you deserved it (4044)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41597) - you deserved it (6702) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

#21061598
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37764) - you deserved it (4329)

On 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by fuck my goddamn life (man) - United States

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47455) - you deserved it (4248)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

#21050005
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40948) - you deserved it (4381)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:16am - misc - by Lithiac - United States (Florida)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43958) - you deserved it (15728)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

#21074335
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35621) - you deserved it (14744) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/28/2014 at 4:26pm - love - by Depirama (man) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

#21060455
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44561) - you deserved it (7884)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm - love - by fuck you right back, cockspit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

#21065125
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40345) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:12am - work - by Dsark (man) - United States (California)



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