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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

#21054692
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43030) - you deserved it (3868)

On 02/08/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by sciencesadness (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22399) - you deserved it (39528)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44201) - you deserved it (9483)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

#21070365
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44078) - you deserved it (4218)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:05pm - animals - by Good choice cat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

#21050596
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49427) - you deserved it (20124)

On 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by khfhjfsb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, I talked to my husband about his lack of interest in sex. Apparently his definition is polar to mine; his is along the lines of cuddling. Not only did I wait until marriage to have sex with this man, apparently he prefers a permanent roommate without benefits. FML

#21071417
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51808) - you deserved it (10234)

On 02/25/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by OverIt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48409) - you deserved it (17868)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

#21067820
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44128) - you deserved it (7829)

On 02/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by Sexy Rash (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

#21069920
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36658) - you deserved it (3432)

On 02/23/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by DIY560 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

#21060478
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26754) - you deserved it (32923)

On 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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