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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43403) - you deserved it (6928) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44178) - you deserved it (5947)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

#21056009
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42952) - you deserved it (7480)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by aarong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46746) - you deserved it (6509)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

Today, my mom told me all about how I was conceived in a Disney Land toilet. FML

#21070288
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42818) - you deserved it (3765)

On 02/24/2014 at 11:52am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Dudley)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

#21049518
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58351) - you deserved it (6613)

On 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by well i'm fucked (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

#21072961
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36048) - you deserved it (12659)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22446) - you deserved it (39597)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38539) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

#21062639
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20204) - you deserved it (46830)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:44pm - kids - by lyss - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39126) - you deserved it (7516)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)



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