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February 2014

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Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45210) - you deserved it (3430)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45778) - you deserved it (13802)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52823) - you deserved it (7860)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52716) - you deserved it (18608)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48788) - you deserved it (17761)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was shopping, when a man pointed at me and said to his friend, "Her. She's the one." He replied, "Yes, she'll do fine." I'm scared. FML

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48365) - you deserved it (5541)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54776) - you deserved it (6737)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41984) - you deserved it (3881)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38941) - you deserved it (8552)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

#21069587
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44125) - you deserved it (5607)

On 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm - kids - by hot sweet.... not (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43888) - you deserved it (4705)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)



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