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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44238) - you deserved it (9956)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24725) - you deserved it (48549)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46007) - you deserved it (11528)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47655) - you deserved it (7048)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56224) - you deserved it (6916)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

#21025526
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46934) - you deserved it (3437)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

#21016150
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46679) - you deserved it (8214)

On 01/04/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ... - United States

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

#21013459
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36161) - you deserved it (3855)

On 01/01/2014 at 9:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

#21032010
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39035) - you deserved it (4331)

On 01/18/2014 at 6:09pm - misc - by cjgreer70 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

#21014175
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44680) - you deserved it (4431)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by fuck off, dad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39248) - you deserved it (14639)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21674) - you deserved it (57455)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria



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