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January 2014

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Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

by Xpload / 01/29/2014 at 1:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 9:45pm / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

by ramble ramble / 01/30/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

by PangolinScholar / 01/24/2014 at 7:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2014 at 10:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2014 at 4:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

by fuckfuck / 01/31/2014 at 1:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

by frozen solid / 01/05/2014 at 9:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to accept the fact that I'm going bald, after I noticed the hair on my chest is longer than the hair on my head. FML

by Hairy_Potter / 01/23/2014 at 12:13pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Health

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

by Can2 / 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 2:11pm / United States (California) / Work