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January 2014

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Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

by SqueakingRetard / 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

by stopstutteringforSiri / 01/05/2014 at 4:59pm / United States / Love

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "after I eat" or maybe even "when I'm tired". What I got was "every second since you were born". FML

by BornToBeABurden / 01/09/2014 at 11:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

by neighbor / 01/26/2014 at 8:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

by nolovefor21 / 01/16/2014 at 6:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

by ===== / 01/14/2014 at 12:59pm / Pakistan (Sindh) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

by owl + bungee cord / 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my sister found out that Justin Bieber got arrested and now she won't stop crying. 5ML

by Estee1024 / 01/24/2014 at 12:28am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, we were playing charades at school. My word was "head", so I pointed to my face. Nobody on my team got it. But they did guess, "Ugly?!" FML

by kyyle / 01/10/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

by soon to be unemployed / 01/28/2014 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Work