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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

#21018050
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41090) - you deserved it (5504)

On 01/05/2014 at 4:59pm - love - by stopstutteringforSiri - United States

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64440) - you deserved it (7583)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45513) - you deserved it (30856)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

#21020576
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29226) - you deserved it (56499)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

#21027645
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33712) - you deserved it (16743)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

#21037915
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34879) - you deserved it (7484)

On 01/24/2014 at 2:16am - work - by Kenny (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37410) - you deserved it (4700)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43508) - you deserved it (5819)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43804) - you deserved it (6360)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that someone had peed into the bottle of Febreze that we keep in the dorm bathroom. I found this out when I sprayed it onto my coat to get rid of a weird smell. FML

#21019092
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43917) - you deserved it (4617)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52755) - you deserved it (5225)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43262) - you deserved it (5115)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

#21031087
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (6304)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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