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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

#21021435
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41064) - you deserved it (5373)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - animals - by bird - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

#21025169
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45467) - you deserved it (3839)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:26am - love - by spitball101 - Australia

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

#21037332
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35159) - you deserved it (4111)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

#21018330
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43478) - you deserved it (3396)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm - kids - by rain1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

#21014568
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35874) - you deserved it (7468)

On 01/02/2014 at 6:49pm - misc - by Andrew (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

#21019530
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37628) - you deserved it (7173)

On 01/06/2014 at 9:25pm - kids - by peepeepainter - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

#21015691
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57306) - you deserved it (6635)

On 01/03/2014 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by notsohandy (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43406) - you deserved it (29156)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

#21020576
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (52173)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39077) - you deserved it (7363)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

#21023480
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41066) - you deserved it (4558)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40659) - you deserved it (9264)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

#21040445
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45729) - you deserved it (3513)

On 01/26/2014 at 8:08am - misc - by neighbor - Australia (New South Wales)



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