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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41142) - you deserved it (22588)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

#21016256
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45899) - you deserved it (3957)

On 01/04/2014 at 2:21am - animals - by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61958) - you deserved it (8397)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was reading FML's birthday blog post and saw a picture of myself in it. I would've been happy if it wasn't #4 in the list of worst duckfaces of the week. FML

#21040870
166 comments

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

#21017461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54638) - you deserved it (4089)

On 01/05/2014 at 2:11am - love - by Fiancé problemsss - United States (Montana)

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

#21020576
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29297) - you deserved it (56597)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML

#21021631
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49712) - you deserved it (5029)

On 01/08/2014 at 6:02pm - animals - by Zach Got Robbed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

#21027732
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56604) - you deserved it (5593)

On 01/14/2014 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

#21028727
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52402) - you deserved it (8583)

On 01/15/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43229) - you deserved it (8493)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

#21034014
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45648) - you deserved it (30946)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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