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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37875) - you deserved it (8299)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51659) - you deserved it (10177)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43850) - you deserved it (5373)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, my boss let me know that I'm being laid off, via a text message that ended in "lmao". FML

#21043231
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46670) - you deserved it (3654)

On 01/28/2014 at 5:36pm - work - by soon to be unemployed (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

#21031998
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35104) - you deserved it (57158)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39346) - you deserved it (14665)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47538) - you deserved it (10565)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24787) - you deserved it (48641)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47780) - you deserved it (7059)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56335) - you deserved it (6930)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

#21013459
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (4003)

On 01/01/2014 at 9:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

#21032010
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39121) - you deserved it (4335)

On 01/18/2014 at 6:09pm - misc - by cjgreer70 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

#21014175
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45281) - you deserved it (4491)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by fuck off, dad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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