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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

#21031501
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43887) - you deserved it (6076)

On 01/18/2014 at 4:45am - kids - by FattestUgliestPerson (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

#21042693
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37683) - you deserved it (4592)

On 01/28/2014 at 3:22am - animals - by Pooper scooper - Guam

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54287) - you deserved it (6698)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44891) - you deserved it (8211)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

#21043189
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40433) - you deserved it (4686)

On 01/28/2014 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Bahrain (Al Manamah)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

#21037274
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45255) - you deserved it (4420)

On 01/23/2014 at 3:57pm - love - by heartbrokenhaley - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40256) - you deserved it (3473)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

#21016150
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42373) - you deserved it (7075)

On 01/04/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ... - United States

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

#21019101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41357) - you deserved it (8493)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by CatLady - United States (California)

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46653) - you deserved it (3385)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML

#21033101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (5770)

On 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by Subliminal message (woman) - Switzerland

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37580) - you deserved it (13681)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)



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