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January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

#21018145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39454) - you deserved it (7402)

On 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (37451)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42787) - you deserved it (9468)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35851) - you deserved it (11636)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

#21024837
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40792) - you deserved it (20070)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21344) - you deserved it (47504)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37923) - you deserved it (11547)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43784) - you deserved it (6526)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41221) - you deserved it (5936)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44911) - you deserved it (3521)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

#21020870
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32756) - you deserved it (29831)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39880) - you deserved it (4061)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41523) - you deserved it (7678)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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