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January 2014

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Today, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I want to start working out and get rid of my holiday weight. His response? "Okay, just don't join a gym. People will have to see you there." FML

by fat / 01/07/2014 at 7:41am / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

by my cheese grater + your dick / 01/17/2014 at 12:35pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

by IMSERIOUS / 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

by lk mm, n vwls / 01/10/2014 at 8:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2014 at 4:30pm / Iceland / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried proving to my best friend that I wasn't a lesbian by telling her I once liked her brother. She was mad because I never told her and now she's calling him. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2014 at 4:50am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

by Frustrated / 01/02/2014 at 9:24pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

by love you too mommy / 01/27/2014 at 2:26pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had a big final project due for class. None of my project partners would help me yesterday, because they were convinced we'd have a snow day. Unfortunately, we didn't have a snow day, and we failed. FML

by sidldaking / 01/21/2014 at 6:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

by MH / 01/24/2014 at 7:36am / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

by smileydays / 01/28/2014 at 10:09pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

by just the tip, though / 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my water pipes froze and burst and I now have to take snow from my back yard and boil it down into water in order to flush my toilet. FML

by Kayla_BlowPop / 01/03/2014 at 3:34am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.