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December 2013

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Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42805) - you deserved it (5528)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41022) - you deserved it (3993)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68169) - you deserved it (3720)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

#20992659
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38628) - you deserved it (3699)

On 12/14/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

#20989946
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48734) - you deserved it (5711)

On 12/12/2013 at 6:27am - love - by Rumors - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

#20989886
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37913) - you deserved it (5220)

On 12/12/2013 at 3:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

#21001267
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51919) - you deserved it (7168)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by bleach bleach bleach (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49562) - you deserved it (6012)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

#21000124
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41643) - you deserved it (3359)

On 12/21/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by FML (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)



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