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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

#20993307
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45276) - you deserved it (6544)

On 12/15/2013 at 11:58am - animals - by Cat Piss - United States (Texas)

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

#20997702
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54069) - you deserved it (4664)

On 12/19/2013 at 1:13am - love - by hot_friend (woman) - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

#20991978
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55499) - you deserved it (7629)

On 12/14/2013 at 2:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

Today, my mom got pissed off at my doctor and called him a quack. She did this because he reassured her that I don't show any signs of the mental retardation that she's convinced herself I must have. FML

#20993646
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47061) - you deserved it (3119)

On 12/15/2013 at 4:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Croatia (Licko-Senjska)

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

#21010392
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35819) - you deserved it (28786)

On 12/30/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

#20983816
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48846) - you deserved it (5697)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by john doe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

#20976567
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44516) - you deserved it (4168)

On 12/01/2013 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

#21000259
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43690) - you deserved it (4638)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

#20991588
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53095) - you deserved it (4890)

On 12/13/2013 at 7:34pm - intimacy - by puking now (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

#20989004
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57306) - you deserved it (4976)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by hi Mum - United States (South Carolina)



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