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December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60029) - you deserved it (5117)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

#20994621
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56974) - you deserved it (3269)

On 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by confsused - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47495) - you deserved it (21403)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40669) - you deserved it (5578)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

#20997138
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48832) - you deserved it (3805)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by romance sucks. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

#20987856
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55173) - you deserved it (10629)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40220) - you deserved it (13845)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

#21006941
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58304) - you deserved it (3734)

On 12/27/2013 at 2:28am - misc - by anon - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

#20994581
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46891) - you deserved it (6691)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by abc123 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52212) - you deserved it (4906)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56598) - you deserved it (16238)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54988) - you deserved it (3638)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States



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