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December 2013

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Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

by ouch / 12/19/2013 at 11:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2013 at 3:52pm / United States / Love

Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML

by AbsentMindedGal / 12/21/2013 at 4:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

by Sophies / 12/25/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Money

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

by Isitreallythatbad, / 12/22/2013 at 12:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

by helpme / 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

by TheLadyOpal / 12/13/2013 at 2:55am / United States / Health

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

by sydstreet / 12/25/2013 at 10:33am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

by Neglected / 12/11/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

by GetOutOfMyHouseLoser / 12/08/2013 at 6:44pm / United States / Love

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

by blackcarnation / 12/22/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

by ;_; / 12/19/2013 at 5:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

by LonelyPorkChop / 12/18/2013 at 4:30am / Australia (Queensland) / Love