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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37074) - you deserved it (30886)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

#20904715
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53516) - you deserved it (3198)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:37pm - health - by 94lbs of muscle -

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45602) - you deserved it (3042)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41988) - you deserved it (3548)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

#20927673
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43468) - you deserved it (5808)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45423) - you deserved it (3151)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

#20939479
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49497) - you deserved it (3714)

On 10/30/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

#20929522
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43514) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:40pm - work - by :| - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48265) - you deserved it (4400)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)



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