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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27807) - you deserved it (41196)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55914) - you deserved it (9573)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

#20921961
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39425) - you deserved it (2830)

On 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm - health - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

#20938804
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40760) - you deserved it (4527)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:03am - animals - by meow (woman) - United States

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42184) - you deserved it (2870)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, I moved into a new house, I couldn't help but notice a car alarm going off, so I investigated my neighbors. Turns out it's their bird. It imitates chainsaws, car alarms, and much more. FML

#20908147
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43770) - you deserved it (3142)

On 10/05/2013 at 9:51am - animals - by Mike Messenger - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43008) - you deserved it (3316)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65115) - you deserved it (8606)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45298) - you deserved it (3144)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21331) - you deserved it (47905)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45495) - you deserved it (3036)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)



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