Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

#20824490
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41702) - you deserved it (3673) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm - health - by pong - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

#20833166
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50525) - you deserved it (6159)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

#20844156
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46434) - you deserved it (2660)

On 08/19/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

#20847973
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50599) - you deserved it (6806)

On 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm - animals - by mykhael (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

#20825465
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56284) - you deserved it (4930)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm - misc - by shampoomice (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read: "My mom's a total pedo." and after she mentioned the talk, her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML

#20840603
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50928) - you deserved it (5616)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50622) - you deserved it (3252)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50279) - you deserved it (5024)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

#20829503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37876) - you deserved it (3417)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! (woman) - United States

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55395) - you deserved it (5043)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

#20833743
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28453) - you deserved it (39868)

On 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm - work - by master baiter - United States (New York)

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

#20832105
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62926) - you deserved it (23064)

On 08/11/2013 at 11:35am - intimacy - by ass slap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got fired from my job at an age care facility because I was too nice to my residents. My boss told me "They're deaf, blind and about to jump head first into the grave. We don't pay you to be kind." FML

#20842873
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48772) - you deserved it (2712)

On 08/18/2013 at 7:43am - work - by sweet23 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: