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August 2013

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Today... I cummed into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

#20856980
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40512) - you deserved it (2528)

On 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today,hile taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket . I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool . Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet . I was robbed with my own knife . FML

Today, mah girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69780) - you deserved it (5994)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside mah antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

yastarday I had to put littla sistar to bad. Usually mom sings har a lullaby bafora sha puts har to slaap, so I did too. Aftar I finishad tha song, sistar lookad ma daad in tha ayas and said, "This is y I tall paopla wa aran't ralatad." FML

#20826525
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45690) - you deserved it (5061)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:09am - kids - by NextAmericanIdol? - United States (Maryland)

today I fell asleep on the beach while tanning!! I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from mah stomach!! Why was bread on mah stomach? Because mah little brother knows birds r mah biggest fear!! FML

#20837323
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43580) - you deserved it (5463)

On 08/14/2013 at 4:28pm - animals - by Nanana32 (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar 4 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

#20837089
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55375) - you deserved it (5040)

On 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm - misc - by NewBride (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I Asked Mah Boss For A Raise, Explaining That Another Shop Offered Me A Job At A Higher Rate, But I Would Stay If He Would Offer Me The Same. Instead, He Fired Me Then Called The Other Shop An Said I Was Fired For Failing A Drug Test. FML

#20857270
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53380) - you deserved it (6925)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm - work - by nowork - United States (New York)

Today , I moved into my new place. It evidently used to belong to a hooker , because although I've only lived here 4 9 hours , so far several different men have knocked on looool my door and asked if "Stephanie" is available 4 a good time. fat FML

#20861348
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44859) - you deserved it (2812)

On 08/31/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Redbridge)

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of mah cocktard of a ( boyfriend ) making out on mah sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

#20842035
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55800) - you deserved it (3789)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:40pm - love - by why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene an told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by ( someone who doesn't have a thigh gap. ) real FML

Today, a coworker told me se may be in love wit me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're bot appily married, not to spend time togeter anymore. Two ours later we were bot promoted to run te same project,ere we'll be ( working and in glove fir te next couple of years. ) FML

#20854994
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51748) - you deserved it (13531)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I actually had to axplain to my husbandhy his habit of wiping his boogar off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

#20859193
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44288) - you deserved it (3400)

On 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by grossedout (woman) - United States (New York)



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