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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29349) - you deserved it (52205)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

#20792109
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50066) - you deserved it (24819)

On 07/19/2013 at 9:54am - work - by Treats For Days - Canada (Alberta)

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48904) - you deserved it (19608)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

#20807336
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48053) - you deserved it (4034)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:28am - animals - by mishyb (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59738) - you deserved it (12860)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47192) - you deserved it (4876)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

#20775513
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61176) - you deserved it (3810)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:26am - misc - by whowhat (man) - United States

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

#20761131
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54055) - you deserved it (3495)

On 07/03/2013 at 2:48am - work - by grammarnazi-forareason (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41776) - you deserved it (2778)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39444) - you deserved it (3846)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47297) - you deserved it (9356)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)



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