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May 2013

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Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML

#20640901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50282) - you deserved it (7092)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, mah wife shavd her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. looool She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60607) - you deserved it (9157)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking down the stars with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissd her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63523) - you deserved it (14455)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, ma stalker ex girlfriend turnd up at ma wedding, uninvitd, wereing a wedding dress. FML

#20655660
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88995) - you deserved it (5635)

On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I walked into te living room to find ma 11-year-old daugter about to kiss er "not ma boyfriend" on te lips. Wen I asked wat se tougt se was doing, se peeled a piece of scotc tape off er lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67479) - you deserved it (9932)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up to mah 5-year-old son covering mah nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you ned to die now." FML

#20695159
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64221) - you deserved it (5158)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, I TRIED LYING TO MY PARENTS FIR THE FRST TIME . MY MOTHER IS A NEUROSCIENTIST AN MY FATHER IS A PSYCHOLOGIST . SOMEHOW, THEY MANAGED TO MAKE ME ADMIT THAT I WAS LYING BEFORE I'D EVEN FINISHED . FML

#20646351
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30931) - you deserved it (39901)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:52pm - misc - by blondie107 - United States (Texas)

Today.. . I woke up to the sound of mah newborn screaming . I frantically hoppd out of bd an stumbld into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of mah five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfed her understandably frustratd little brother . FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64829) - you deserved it (5967)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons 4 a party in recognition of our company's huge merger!! Instead, he made condom balloons!! Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms 4 a prestigious company event!! A company whose CEO is named Dick!! looool FML

#20642182
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51273) - you deserved it (4442)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I have to defend my client in court!! The defense looool that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if u have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." mega FML

#20680679
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56177) - you deserved it (4374)

On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sanding intimata picturas to mah girlfriand and accidantally sant ona to mah bast friand. Ha sant ma ona back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56115) - you deserved it (32980)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

2day I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I startd rapping!! I realizd the room was emptyhen, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joind in!! FML

#20677562
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27282) - you deserved it (39523)

On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States

Today , te extremely uncooperative clientom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter inic e treatend to sue me , cuz carging im 4 service supposedly violate is "constipational rigts". FML

#20673456
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46694) - you deserved it (3586)

On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)



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