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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML

#20696601
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65369) - you deserved it (14313)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53267) - you deserved it (9113)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46375) - you deserved it (7875)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48251) - you deserved it (5093)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92879) - you deserved it (5841)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55747) - you deserved it (4317)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44355) - you deserved it (76225)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, while doing a fun genetics game in Biology, I found out that I was adopted. Turns out the game wasn't so fun. FML

#20661511
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57420) - you deserved it (3262)

On 05/13/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50409) - you deserved it (3579)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63107) - you deserved it (4051)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48212) - you deserved it (9198)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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