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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

#20675286
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48321) - you deserved it (4229)

On 05/20/2013 at 12:02pm - misc - by well okay then - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

#20658208
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59567) - you deserved it (8666)

On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45151) - you deserved it (3517)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

#20684843
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35814) - you deserved it (16988)

On 05/25/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, one of my closest friends informed me that she wasn't going to invite me to her wedding, because I'm too shy and not enough fun, and she doesn't want her 200 or so guests to feel uncomfortable. I was the one who set the happy couple up. FML

#20681501
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57818) - you deserved it (3869)

On 05/23/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51445) - you deserved it (3850)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50506) - you deserved it (4871)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

#20636739
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40785) - you deserved it (3881)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

#20647478
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42275) - you deserved it (6996)

On 05/07/2013 at 10:18am - animals - by AussieG75 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

#20696622
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49273) - you deserved it (3579)

On 05/31/2013 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

#20667310
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35675) - you deserved it (16150)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41170) - you deserved it (2588)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)



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