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May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

#20686197
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47757) - you deserved it (4154)

On 05/25/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by uglynerd (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

#20662901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (18446)

On 05/14/2013 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51017) - you deserved it (8742)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

#20647729
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49175) - you deserved it (5549)

On 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by hopelesscollegechick - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44377) - you deserved it (9594)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

#20682540
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19954) - you deserved it (36023)

On 05/23/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by paper towel virgin - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

#20665723
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46629) - you deserved it (3193)

On 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

#20670246
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43602) - you deserved it (5697)

On 05/18/2013 at 1:22am - love - by Sarsippius -

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48573) - you deserved it (5418)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

#20681811
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41153) - you deserved it (3012)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Buzau)

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

#20689207
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56161) - you deserved it (3337)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by wow (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

#20662885
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45114) - you deserved it (3511)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML



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