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June 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

#21423894
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34964) - you deserved it (6964)

On 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29220) - you deserved it (3688)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to endure the most mortifying ambulance ride of my life after my fiancé's cock ring got stuck on my tongue piercing. As I was trying not to choke or vomit, he actually high-fived one of the EMTs and tried to get him to take a picture on his phone. FML

#21424446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29219) - you deserved it (8541)

On 06/11/2015 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by awkward - United Kingdom (Dumfries and Galloway)

Today, my 14 years old brother and 9 years old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

#21420933
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25568) - you deserved it (9787)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

#21420039
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29394) - you deserved it (3950)

On 06/03/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

#21427542
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23435) - you deserved it (11462)

On 06/17/2015 at 11:41am - misc - by HURP (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26653) - you deserved it (1913)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30086) - you deserved it (3299)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (2975)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

#21420106
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30421) - you deserved it (2781)

On 06/03/2015 at 6:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

#21430924
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30367) - you deserved it (1778)

On 06/23/2015 at 11:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

#21420435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24558) - you deserved it (4897)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by officeditz - United States (Florida)



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