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Wednesday 23 July 2014

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Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

by TCRII / 07/23/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the fire alarm went off at work. My office is on the second floor, and the door to the stairs were jammed shut. The only way out was jumping out the window. The best part was breaking my leg due to someone burning their lunch. FML

by timv94 / 07/23/2014 at 9:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

by ThunderThighs / 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

by swiggityswooty / 07/23/2014 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

by Rosey / 07/23/2014 at 4:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Love