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Sunday 5 January 2014

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Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

by give me an F / 01/05/2014 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

by stillhurting / 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

by Fiancé problemsss / 01/05/2014 at 2:11am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

by rain1 / 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I realized I'm so socially awkward that I can't even talk to Siri without stuttering. FML

by stopstutteringforSiri / 01/05/2014 at 4:59pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

by I will find you and I will fucking fuck y / 01/05/2014 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

by scotsgal / 01/05/2014 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

by frozen solid / 01/05/2014 at 9:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous