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Monday 23 September 2013

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Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:15am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

by baddad / 09/23/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Kids

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

by theynamedmeluke / 09/23/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

by numbnuts / 09/23/2013 at 1:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

by poor teacher / 09/23/2013 at 1:54pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

by peejay6831 / 09/23/2013 at 2:27am / United States / Work

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

by User / 09/23/2013 at 1:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

by justonce / 09/23/2013 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

by MixMastaKDizzle / 09/23/2013 at 4:23am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.