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Friday 20 September 2013

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Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

by oops / 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

by disappointed / 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

by hoolagirl4422 / 09/20/2013 at 7:23am / Hong Kong / Love

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:52pm / United States / Money

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I found my brother wearing nothing but underwear. That would have been okay if it weren't my lingerie. FML

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 5:00pm / Hungary (Szeged) / Love

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:20pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Money

Today, I thought it would be cool to hit a basketball with a baseball bat. Ended up in the ER with seven stitches. FML

by BabeRuth / 09/20/2013 at 11:33am / United States / Health