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Wednesday 21 August 2013

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Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

by me / 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

by mykhael / 08/21/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML

by Stinkipinkki / 08/21/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

by baconbxtch / 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

by MissCharlotte / 08/21/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

by Jade / 08/21/2013 at 8:09pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

by shut_up / 08/21/2013 at 10:08am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

by Beegee / 08/21/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

by theuglyone / 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent half-an-hour listening to my therapist telling me enthusiastically how people used to communicate telepathically before verbal languages were invented. FML

by verydepressed / 08/21/2013 at 3:18am / Russian Federation (Tomsk) / Miscellaneous