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Monday 6 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69025) - you deserved it (6366)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I tried lying to my parents for the first time. My mother is a neuroscientist and my father is a psychologist. Somehow, they managed to make me admit that I was lying before I'd even finished. FML

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94799) - you deserved it (5975)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48934) - you deserved it (6426)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66822) - you deserved it (6278)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

#20646330
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26066) - you deserved it (52058)

On 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm - misc - by clumsy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55819) - you deserved it (9087)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML

#20645473
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62558) - you deserved it (4816)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49564) - you deserved it (10950)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

#20645244
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56837) - you deserved it (4513)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:25am - work - by perfecttiming (man) - United States (California)

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

#20646861
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61015) - you deserved it (6932)

On 05/06/2013 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

#20645173
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38715) - you deserved it (36953)

On 05/06/2013 at 10:24am - love - by Alone (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45681) - you deserved it (3563)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States



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