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Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

#14512160
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71746) - you deserved it (3839)

On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71890) - you deserved it (12612)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

#8719561
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7783) - you deserved it (55745)

On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

#6901032
447 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34769) - you deserved it (11304)

On 12/23/2009 at 11:05am - kids - by meep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

#14242340
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21219) - you deserved it (85394)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokémon and Bionicles in his room. FML

#856956
470 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61500) - you deserved it (21158)

On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (505644) - you deserved it (48619)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I corrected someone who spelled "learned" as "learnt" on my favorite forum. Nothing could've prepared me for the torrent of abuse that followed from the non-American members. Now I'm banned for "trolling," and all my 7,000+ posts since 2006 are gone forever. FML

#19593515
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14528) - you deserved it (36433)

On 05/08/2012 at 6:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML

#1200531
480 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61332) - you deserved it (22714)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

#16639445
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51037) - you deserved it (5842)

On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103305) - you deserved it (22405)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

#16912974
446 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64839) - you deserved it (6763)

On 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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