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Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
535 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11183) - you deserved it (192649)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
431 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56621) - you deserved it (5590)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
528 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11603) - you deserved it (154860)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140948) - you deserved it (7998)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

#10903041
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9750) - you deserved it (118645)

On 06/01/2010 at 5:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
516 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12342) - you deserved it (228149)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59628) - you deserved it (326789)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

#16746059
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56747) - you deserved it (6988)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I have never read any of the Harry Potter books. FML

#18781684
536 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31986) - you deserved it (55880)

On 01/12/2012 at 12:36am - love - by Nate (man) - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

#16003587
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41021) - you deserved it (4136)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

#19840334
497 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9348) - you deserved it (46406)

On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML



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