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Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
539 comments

I agree, your life sucks (215098) - you deserved it (23081)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578
459 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60886) - you deserved it (31538)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
483 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55342) - you deserved it (27728)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

#11238681
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31016) - you deserved it (16826)

On 06/16/2010 at 10:42am - health - by Joy (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
529 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20360) - you deserved it (52430)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

#15679727
588 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49782) - you deserved it (5282)

On 04/07/2011 at 12:55pm - misc - by nerdsgetmehot (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

#17709124
590 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22055) - you deserved it (245013)

On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

#16909818
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30814) - you deserved it (16957)

On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 2 hours with my boyfriend and the guy that I have been secretly having an affair with for 6 months. FML

#5470
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43592) - you deserved it (362022)

On 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56449) - you deserved it (5573)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
543 comments

I agree, your life sucks (516224) - you deserved it (35254)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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