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Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
547 comments

I agree, your life sucks (228877) - you deserved it (25213)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

#17239646
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49598) - you deserved it (18249)

On 07/24/2011 at 8:22am - love - by oouchh (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783
568 comments

I agree, your life sucks (544390) - you deserved it (38339)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578
463 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63939) - you deserved it (32742)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

#11238681
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34336) - you deserved it (18313)

On 06/16/2010 at 10:42am - health - by Joy (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

#10658705
555 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17857) - you deserved it (265622)

On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58789) - you deserved it (29186)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
533 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13893) - you deserved it (169641)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
543 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12078) - you deserved it (201382)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
529 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21816) - you deserved it (70234)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

#16909818
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33439) - you deserved it (17797)

On 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm - misc - by wispywee - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
524 comments

I agree, your life sucks (146612) - you deserved it (8363)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)



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