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Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is fir kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I putted the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear an smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there 4 at least 30 seconds in shock, anhen I backed away he was still looking at them. big fat FML
Today.!! !! after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores.!! !! I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans !! Her reaction was to squeal.!! !! "Master has presentd Dobby with clothes !! Dobby is free!" FML
today mah girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
Today , I begged mah husband to take me to the ER cause mah stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for mah appendix to burst. I almost died because mah husband was busy playing xbox. FML
Today... I was going to have sex with mah Hispanic boyfriend. I wantd to turn him on... so I askd mah friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimd it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex... constantly screaming 'pollo frito' 4 an hour. I later realizd I was screaming "frid chicken." FML
Today, 5 year old nephew showed me green martian he'd made with his new Play Doh set . I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
TODAY, MY BOYFRIEND WOKE UP WHEEZING TERRIBLY, ACHING, AN SNEEZING. HE'S ALLERGIC TO CATS. I HAVE 2 AN THEY R MY BABIES. HE GAVE ME AN ULTIMATUM, HIM OR THE CATS. I HAVEN'T FIGURD OUT HOW I'M GOING TO TELL HIM THAT I CHOOSE THE CATS.
Friday 27 March 2015