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Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32694) - you deserved it (9084)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

#3456831
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30700) - you deserved it (11782)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:19pm - work - by PeePee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

#1865154
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44565) - you deserved it (7220)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:48am - work - by pdnne (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

#2214094
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37084) - you deserved it (3245)

On 05/23/2009 at 4:20pm - work - by jend (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

#2299417
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43010) - you deserved it (2878)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

#4715
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42308) - you deserved it (5180)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Bear - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

#27666
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46801) - you deserved it (5564)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by toad (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me. FML

#14757
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32731) - you deserved it (14033)

On 02/08/2009 at 8:55am - misc - by Kath (woman) - Poland (Gdansk)

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

#131042
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55320) - you deserved it (9308)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:25am - work - by yawho (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

#228831
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72826) - you deserved it (4815)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by Kathrynn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

#226601
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44166) - you deserved it (7991)

On 03/06/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by sasd32 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48410) - you deserved it (11511)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

#695165
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58681) - you deserved it (3663)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:13am - work - by beat10 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)



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