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Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

by norestforthewicked / 03/02/2016 at 3:41pm / United States / Kids

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

by sigh / 03/29/2016 at 12:57am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

by parentalnightmare / 04/16/2016 at 12:13am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, my mom claimed that lactose intolerance is a "myth" and told me to drink my damn milk because it's good for my bones. FML

by longing for emancipation / 04/29/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health

Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML

by brandogg / 04/29/2016 at 8:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

by insurgent / 05/03/2016 at 4:31am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Love

Today, my daughter asked me to take her to Victoria's Secret so I could buy her some "sexy clothes". She's 9. FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2016 at 4:42am / Kids

Today, I got grounded because I didn't send my aunt a Mother's Day present. Not only is she not married she doesn't have kids. FML

by Giraafe / 05/09/2016 at 1:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

by Courtney / 05/26/2016 at 8:12am / United States / Work

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

by Anna / 07/02/2016 at 5:08pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I reassured a close friend that he could tell me anything. Now all our conversations are almost exclusively about his kinks. Did you know a well-stretched human anus can hold an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows? FML