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Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

#6049494
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30391) - you deserved it (3597)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:11am - love - by lds124 (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

#5931045
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27119) - you deserved it (3755)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Busted (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

#6134819
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33141) - you deserved it (2131)

On 11/03/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by wrongcar - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

#6413436
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15160) - you deserved it (5766)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by NotsexyEnough - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

#6378633
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8495) - you deserved it (17307)

On 11/20/2009 at 9:53am - intimacy - by WorstMedicalBill (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

#6287629
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22550) - you deserved it (4493)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight this shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow and I tugged to hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

#6308851
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8084) - you deserved it (33661)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by Unknown - United States

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

#6478242
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30281) - you deserved it (2771)

On 11/27/2009 at 1:16pm - love - by singlegirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

#6691654
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25884) - you deserved it (4656)

On 12/10/2009 at 6:47am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

#6989281
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23944) - you deserved it (11632)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:35am - work - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

#6831944
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (37195)

On 12/19/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Jrlloyd013 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

#6900701
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28475) - you deserved it (3044)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by bee (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21255) - you deserved it (2294)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)



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