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Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 11:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

by just about pissed off / 08/11/2013 at 1:24pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

by dhskkf / 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm / United States / Love

Today, my mom bitched me out for not driving my little brother to school this morning. The reason I didn't is that some assfuck decided to slash my tires overnight. She was well aware of this fact. FML

by hope they slash you next, mom / 08/29/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

by Volunteer / 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

by SeriouslyDad / 09/22/2013 at 9:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2013 at 8:17am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

by keyshame / 10/10/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a family meeting about opening up a business. During it, I had an allergic reaction and my throat began to close. Nobody tried to help. In fact, pictures were taken. FML

Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML

by raz_berri93 / 11/17/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

by CurseYouSonyaLee / 11/12/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

by innocent72 / 11/19/2013 at 4:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2013 at 3:37pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Intimacy