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Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

#21281210
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27479) - you deserved it (8235)

On 10/19/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I got a letter in the mail from corporate saying that I'm being demoted because I don't work enough hours. I also got a text from my boss congratulating me on making the best sales numbers for November. FML

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

#21460569
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24245) - you deserved it (2038)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:46pm - love - by NocturnalFox (woman) - Czech Republic (Plzensky kraj)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27852) - you deserved it (34842)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22283) - you deserved it (28485)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

#21217892
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42387) - you deserved it (4400)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:04am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36660) - you deserved it (2964)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at the door the entire time. He stopped as soon as we finished. FML

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

#21280130
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35454) - you deserved it (9789)

On 10/17/2014 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by melissa1028 (woman) - United States

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

#21408187
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29014) - you deserved it (2194)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:23am - love - by CryoSpectre - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

#21314190
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32763) - you deserved it (2539)

On 12/09/2014 at 12:45am - misc - by mn167109 (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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