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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

#5368746
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39153) - you deserved it (2477)

On 09/20/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Finesse7791 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was in line at the store behind a lady and her young daughter. Trying to be polite I smiled at the little girl. She burst into tears asking her mommy 'what is wrong with that ladies teeth'. Apparently braces on a 25 year old is not 'kid friendly'. FML

#6221644
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25822) - you deserved it (2792)

On 11/08/2009 at 11:37pm - kids - by itsjustmyluck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend. When the bill came with a customer satisfaction survey, I put honestly that the "server friendliness" was "below average." Ten minutes later, I had to return to the restaurant to beg the waitress for my keys, which I had left on the table. FML

#3856543
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32018) - you deserved it (20427)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by lemonadedisguise (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

#5007844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36651) - you deserved it (7243)

On 09/02/2009 at 9:18pm - work - by lifeguardfuckup (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

#6035910
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28568) - you deserved it (6148)

On 10/28/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

#5616852
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36459) - you deserved it (2356)

On 10/03/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by ColdFoot (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

#6337405
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6589) - you deserved it (35445)

On 11/17/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by Nic (woman) - United States (California)

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

#6034083
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (2792)

On 10/28/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by bubblensuds1 - United States (Indiana)

Today, my best friend and I both applied for the same job. I was applying because my family is REALLY tight on cash, and I need the money. He applied because I told him about the job and we thought it would be fun working together. He was hired on the spot. I was denied the job. FML

#6096905
47 comments

Today, tired and hungover, I missed my bus, tried to walk to the train station, got lost, got soaked in the rain, got huge blisters, and had to be picked up because I was late for work. I got in, drenched, tired, and cold only to be told there was "nothing to be done." FML

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

#6156368
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9890) - you deserved it (26479)

On 11/04/2009 at 7:40pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

#6433183
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27198) - you deserved it (4811)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:11am - love - by Face_loser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

#6245965
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29975) - you deserved it (3538)

On 11/10/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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