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Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

#2705
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (7015)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by bad surprise - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

#59488
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33152) - you deserved it (11948)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:30am - love - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

#214939
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51493) - you deserved it (4012)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:14am - work - by Shell (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

#847714
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18055) - you deserved it (43822)

On 04/07/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by laurisshnazzy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

#1510421
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35939) - you deserved it (13724)

On 04/30/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Wouldntitbeniceif (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

#3676766
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46646) - you deserved it (2941)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:19pm - love - by blind_loser (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

#5793982
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30635) - you deserved it (2382)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:21am - misc - by thisisbad (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

#4880765
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49094) - you deserved it (2260)

On 08/28/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by wtfman101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

#5696976
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27981) - you deserved it (5800)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:43am - health - by Toothless (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

#4035299
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14052) - you deserved it (33761)

On 07/25/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by zinka - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

#5885863
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24532) - you deserved it (6375)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:11pm - animals - by Mary - Sent from mobile version

Today, my professor informed me that if I didn't "show more commitment" to my choral ensemble he would give my spot to a "more interested young woman." I missed class to see my neurologist. Apparently my seizures are a symptom of lack of commitment. FML

#5312415
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34750) - you deserved it (2457)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:32pm - health - by OutOfLuck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

#5814058
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27583) - you deserved it (1969)

On 10/13/2009 at 9:45am - intimacy - by LOLCATS (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)



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