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Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

by Username / 05/29/2014 at 10:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, things got so bad with my mother-in-law that I seriously considered faking my entire family's deaths to escape it all. FML

by save me / 05/30/2014 at 6:33pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

by not paid enough / 06/01/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2014 at 2:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my dad made the local news. The business he owns is so run down and overgrown that it's officially a public health hazard. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2014 at 9:39pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like he loved me. He looked away and replied, "Fair enough". FML

by mymumdidntloveme / 06/30/2014 at 11:59pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

by akaka / 07/14/2014 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's my birthday. When I asked my mom if we were gonna do anything special for my birthday. She said, "don't lie to me. It's not your birthday." FML

by bad birthdays / 08/16/2014 at 1:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2014 at 8:43pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Transportation

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

by baebookboo / 08/04/2014 at 11:08am / United States (Kansas) / Geek

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 3:34pm / United States / Animals

Today, after politely reminding my husband to turn the bathroom light off after he's done, he did so. While I was on the toilet. FML

by rightlessonwrong / 09/15/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.