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Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

by whattheactualfuck / 01/22/2016 at 7:50am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents got married on their second date because they were mildly intoxicated, bored and wanted something to do. FML

by bxilee / 02/27/2016 at 9:48pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a student came out to me, saying that she thinks she's gay. This has happened several times since I have taught here, which made me wonder why they were comfortable telling me. Turns out being a single, childless woman of my age screams "lesbian" to this particular community. I'm not. FML

by phalangesenfuego / 03/10/2016 at 9:07am / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

by Xandriajoy10 / 03/08/2016 at 6:56am / Australia / Animals

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2016 at 12:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my run, running past the home of the very attractive guy in my English class. This time he was outside. As I was running I casually waved, he waved back, but because I was distracted, I didn't notice a rock on the sidewalk and ended up tripping and pantsing myself. FML

by TipsyTj / 03/29/2016 at 9:05am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

by Arachnofail / 04/08/2016 at 12:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

by Star_Wars_Lover / 04/26/2016 at 11:34am / United States (Texas) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

by DeathbyWording / 04/29/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

by No thanks / 05/19/2016 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 8:06am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

by ouch / 06/16/2016 at 6:14am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my untrained legs have been traumatised by the sudden regime of squats, mountain climbers and lunges I have been putting them through. I literally just have to trust-fall back onto the toilet and hope for the best, because my legs don't have the strength to support the gradual descent. FML

by SkipLegDay / 08/03/2016 at 4:48am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Health