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Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

by pasquale / 09/20/2014 at 2:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

by Sleepy / 10/09/2014 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Hillingdon) / Work

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

by KO / 10/12/2014 at 12:45pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

by RyoKioKio / 10/24/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

by anonymous / 11/02/2014 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

by Halloween Fail / 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2014 at 1:17am / United States / Work

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

by thefatnurse / 11/12/2014 at 9:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

by galladore / 12/12/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML

by lopsided / 12/14/2014 at 2:56am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous