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Today, just like every other day, I was woken up 2 hours earlier than I needed to be, by the alarm belonging to my upstairs neighbors. They won't wake up until their real alarm goes off: me, pounding the walls and yelling in frustration. FML

by tnh / 11/17/2011 at 12:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom used "happy Thanksgiving break" and "we sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

by laststand11 / 11/22/2011 at 5:36pm / Transportation

Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML

by guy / 11/24/2011 at 9:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a 10 dollar bill on the street, as I went to grab it, it was pulled away by a string. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was tricked by teenagers or that I tripped and fell as I went for it. FML

by aceshot97 / 12/06/2011 at 9:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't find my phone. Worried that I'd accidentally thrown it in the trash, I emptied out all the bins and searched the garbage. An hour later, my daughter said she'd found it by the bathroom sink. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2011 at 12:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

by annoying / 01/09/2012 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

by idrathernotgiveoutmyname / 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

by thatgirl34 / 02/09/2012 at 6:29am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

by Kevin / 02/13/2012 at 1:00am / United States / Love

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

by SwimminginSweat / 02/27/2012 at 12:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 5:54am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 10:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Health