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Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24081) - you deserved it (4494)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML

#5791962
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29812) - you deserved it (3643)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

#5821457
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31758) - you deserved it (1981)

On 10/13/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by stepknee (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

#5390873
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32023) - you deserved it (11419)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

#5741744
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35912) - you deserved it (4666)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:52pm - health - by Unlucky (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

#4095368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43592) - you deserved it (2458)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:11am - health - by swaiteATC (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

#6086558
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35233) - you deserved it (4204)

On 10/31/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my 2 week Christmas vacation my boss was talking about wasn't for this year, but 2010. I spent the day with my husband cancelling flights to Florida, and explaning to my 8 year old why we were not going to Disney World. FML

#6557406
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34092) - you deserved it (4560)

On 12/01/2009 at 8:32pm - work - by mylifesucks (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

#6364461
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8381) - you deserved it (36717)

On 11/19/2009 at 1:10am - kids - by fail (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

#6532125
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28832) - you deserved it (2628)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by NeedHeadPhone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started talking to a friend about how he needs to stop overreacting and getting angry very easily. He kicked sand up in the air, and it came back into his eyes. He started getting angry, and when I told him this is what I was talking about, he hit me in the nose. FML

#6268731
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29388) - you deserved it (7191)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by angrymadman3542342 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

#6686703
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28045) - you deserved it (2452)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by MynameisntToby (man) - United States (Texas)



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