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Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

#20864245
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39893) - you deserved it (3177)

On 09/02/2013 at 7:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

#20881721
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36062) - you deserved it (6123)

On 09/15/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

#20882475
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38881) - you deserved it (2623)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:47pm - work - by what... (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44234) - you deserved it (3117)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

#20906907
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49999) - you deserved it (3265)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:37am - love - by okaythen (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

#20917208
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46890) - you deserved it (4177)

On 10/12/2013 at 1:40am - kids - by easily amused (woman) - United States

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

#20930470
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38652) - you deserved it (2556)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

#20980454
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42978) - you deserved it (5442)

On 12/04/2013 at 1:39pm - love - by heartbroken - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

#20958917
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40446) - you deserved it (3108)

On 11/15/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37306) - you deserved it (3124)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

#21011563
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41792) - you deserved it (3515)

On 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm - misc - by awkword (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

#21050316
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38738) - you deserved it (3396)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:55pm - health - by even axe would smell better (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35085) - you deserved it (5609)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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