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Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

#2620
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7643) - you deserved it (55552)

On 01/26/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by Timmy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24105) - you deserved it (6099)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33852) - you deserved it (5037)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

#5588
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47868) - you deserved it (2937)

On 02/02/2009 at 5:00pm - work - by Rachel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

#9438
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49121) - you deserved it (15175)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

#5836
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19413) - you deserved it (13476)

On 02/02/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by wtf - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

#35674
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13263) - you deserved it (42286)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by AwesomePGnarles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to find that the entire ceiling in the kitchen of my apartment had caved in due to an extremely leaky water pipe. The same water pipe maintenance said they had fixed three days ago. FML

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

#98972
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13284) - you deserved it (72676)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

#171623
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52828) - you deserved it (8648)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:36pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

#225993
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15980) - you deserved it (46698)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by thebickster (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML

#14377623
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30492) - you deserved it (2587)

On 12/29/2010 at 1:50am - misc - by Shepaintsmusic -

Today, I was fixing my makeup in the back room of the office when my boss walked in. He looked kind of annoyed so I jokingly said "Don't you want your secretary to look good?" He said, "If I did I wouldn't have hired you." FML

#797554
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58101) - you deserved it (12881)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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