Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

by Mikey / 04/28/2009 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

by MandyPanda / 05/25/2009 at 10:24am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

by Alex / 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

by partypooper / 07/28/2009 at 2:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

by Unclicked / 08/01/2009 at 7:58am / Singapore / Love

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

by me / 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my friend called saying she was gathering all her girlfriends for a girl's night out. I was thrilled with the idea and started to think of something to wear. She then asked if I would mind watching her son. FML

by Finesse7791 / 09/20/2009 at 8:28am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML

by Zamaria / 10/02/2009 at 6:23pm / Love

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

by goodsister / 10/14/2009 at 4:09am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

by a / 10/31/2009 at 12:14am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

by efmylife / 10/23/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous