Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because, I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

by Kevin / 02/13/2012 at 1:00am / United States / Love

Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML

by SwimminginSweat / 02/27/2012 at 12:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 5:54am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 10:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

by Stephen / 03/24/2012 at 5:07pm / Sweden / Health

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

by Alyssa / 03/31/2012 at 2:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

by Stinky. / 04/08/2012 at 11:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

by unfriendlyskies / 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Money

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

by feminismlol / 04/06/2012 at 12:45am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

by mark807 / 04/28/2012 at 2:52am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

by Megannn / 05/01/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

by taob / 05/20/2012 at 1:11pm / China (Guangxi) / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

by ooh cat / 05/18/2012 at 5:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous