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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30589) - you deserved it (2993)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33690) - you deserved it (5652)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, I found out that the lump in my wrist that keeps getting inflamed and sore is caused by sketching and using my laptop too much. Good thing I'm in my fourth year of studying to become a designer. FML

#20546879
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32423) - you deserved it (2854)

On 03/16/2013 at 11:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at the mall, a lady dropped her credit card while in line to buy something. I came over, picked it up and gave it to her just for her to shove it in my hand and scream, "She's stealing my wallet! My wallet!" The police came. FML

#20536740
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34600) - you deserved it (2400)

On 03/09/2013 at 7:04am - money - by whaaaaat111 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

#20533106
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (7532)

On 03/06/2013 at 12:44am - misc - by sales ham (man) - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

#20551821
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26930) - you deserved it (4475)

On 03/20/2013 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

#20585940
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48702) - you deserved it (14078)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:05am - intimacy - by Fml (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

#20540639
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (2911)

On 03/12/2013 at 10:05am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

#20564827
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17126) - you deserved it (33519)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML

#20576079
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37890) - you deserved it (9526)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm - money - by Z'ev - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

#20646182
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42888) - you deserved it (3323)

On 05/06/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by sobasics - United States

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

#20653580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45311) - you deserved it (9059)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:44am - work - by legit247 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

#20636616
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41896) - you deserved it (6474)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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